chilli sweats 2

Hi Wheels,

Thanks for the card, I thought it very appropriate.Elephants

never forget. I hope you will forgive my audacity in

tracking you down.But you did the same. They were good days.
I`ve been reminiscing, and writing a few things down.

Obviously not giving anything away. I am playing a bit of

music again, what are you up to? do you still see Speilberg?
and the others?
Anyhoo, I`m going to cut you into one of the weird sessions

on the boat.

I woke cold and drenched, It took me a few moments to

realise it was just a dream. Once back in the now , the

feeling of relief was completely overwhelming.
I could see the sun through my  porthole, and needed to get

straight up on deck and breathe the fresh sea air.
I couldn`t wait. As fast as possible, I got there and inhaled

with all my might the fresh clean salty air.
My head was clearing from that terrible nightmare, the

relief was tangible.
The beauty of the sunshine struck me, a fresh breeze stroked

my still wet face, at last I could breathe again.
There were  a few crew busying themselves with their duties

 but all was calm and correct.
Then the thought came to me . I could do with a drink. If

for nothing more than to celebrate my continued existence

against all odds, and that glorious sun warming my face and

soul.
 I remembered  the single malt I had so carefully secreted

away. I realised from the angle of the sun, it was no more

than 11 o`clock, and I didn`t give a damn. After such a

nightmare, I was so glad to be awake and alive, all of my

carefully constructed rules could go fuck themselves.

I snook back to my cabin.The word cabin glorifies the true

nature of my allotted hole in the big metal beast that the

boat was. But at least it was my private haven.

Short of breath from the anticipation of the self indulgence

that awaited me, I withdrew from under my bunk the hardwood

box. I opened the lid after using the clever key mechanism,

and on my knees, the glowing beauty of the bottle stared

back at me , I could swear it was singing to me and smiling,

like a long-lost drunken buddy once left behind in Madagascar.
The anticipation perhaps is always greater than the

realization.
It was at that moment my eye caught sight of the writing on

the underside of the lid.
My heart sank, it was not painful, it was more like falling

into a well, a well that is in the middle of a field, a well

that is so innocuous nobody will find you , nobody will

pull you out. A sad crying well.
I was so drained I couldn`t move. I knew what would happen

next, and unfortunately it did.
The problem for me wasn`t the situation, it was more my lack

of inner strength. I had been drained.thoroughly drained.
Unless one has experienced the evacuation of

all of one's energy ,will, and even, dare I say it, soul, one would

find it hard to believe how vacuous it is possible to feel,

and yet be alive.

I knew from experience the shit had hit the fan, and I

better react or die, here and now .
I reacted. like countless times before. I gripped the bottle

and twisted the unbroken seal and gulped like there was no

tomorrow, because sure as the sun shines, `if I don`t kick

into overdrive I am finished.'
It`s perhaps easy for an overseer, to have realized sooner

the quandary I was in, but when it is in the here and now,

it`s not so simple.
For the experienced at this type of situation, it would be

obvious what I tried to do next.
 But I will explain the drill.
 First I tried to add two and two, then four and four.
That worked. I picked up my lucky butterfly knife from the

box and cut my arm. It bled. I tried to read the godforsaken

HB pencil writing on the inner box lid, but realized that

would not suffice as an adequate test, as the words were so

unworldly they could never be a judgment of physical

reality. What could I use as a true test? my head screamed.
Then it struck me, It was an irrelevant quest.To judge which

reality I was in was not important. The simple fact

remained, I was here, and it was now. More than this, I knew

what was happening ,and it was going to happen whether I

liked it or not.
The sun from the porthole faded, the pipes in the cabin were

starting to vibrate, the boat was swaying. Wake up buddy! I

said to myself. Time is of the essence. I have been pre-warned,
so I had better shut that hybrid down fast. I knew I

could perhaps rely on there being one more loop, but I

better get it this time. There were no guarantees.